


little lion man

by nammyneutron



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Reminiscing, Song Lyrics, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 16:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20118409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nammyneutron/pseuds/nammyneutron
Summary: after the civil war, tony finds himself alone.when faced with his empty tower, he misses everyone... but he might just miss steve the most.





	little lion man

Tony sits in his workshop, alone. Who he once called his friends are gone, and there is nothing left for him. Not even Jarvis, his first and last friend. Then again, that was his fault, wasn't it?

A tear slips down his worn face, followed by another and another until he's uncontrollably crying, clutching the wrench he was using in a death grip.

All he had ever wanted was to be his own person, then a hero, and a friend.

He'd failed to do all three.

Tony throws the wrench across the room in a fit of anger, and it clanks loudly as it hits the concrete floor.

_ ** Weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart** _

He had been so sure, so sure that everything would turn out okay. Well, maybe he knew that okay was something they had never been and never would be, but he never thought it would end so badly for everyone.

Rhodey, paralyzed. Bruce was stranded somewhere, afraid to be in his own skin. Vision, hidden in his room, mourning the loss of friendship with Wanda. Clint, Wanda, Scott, and Sam, trapped in the raft. Well, he supposed they were no longer trapped at this point, Rogers having liberated them, but the one thing Captain America couldn't fix is that they were fugitives. They'd never be able to come home again to their families or friends without having to answer for it.

And Rogers... _Steve_.__ They could never be what they once were.

Were they ever something? All Steve had ever seen was what he wanted to- Howard. There was only ever one moment that Steve looked at him like he was_Tony_, __and that was when he woke up in the suit on the ground, shortly after guiding the nuke into space.

That soft smile. Proud, friendly.

Tony thinks that now he might have imagined it.

Now all he has left of Steve is a letter and an old phone, an empty-sounding promise of fixing what is broken.

He thought he had a family. Something that couldn't be broken, something indestructible no matter how many evils you threw at it. He remembers the jokes, the smiles, all the dinners spent at the table, hectic breakfasts in the morning, and movie nights spent laughing. Natasha with her threats and hidden knives, but also the soft comforting words she spoke in another language when Tony had nightmares. Clint with his humor and his pranks, all of the hide-y holes he managed to find in the cold, modern tower. Bruce with his self-deprecating jokes and tea, the curry he made and brought down to Tony when he worked too long and too hard, all of the science-y things they shared. Thor, with his hugs that invaded personal space and always crushed his ribs, his rambunctious laughter that seemed contagious, his ignorance of Midgard references. And after he lost all of that, he had Vision and Wanda, talking with small smiles at the table in the corner, hands close, but not quite touching, an obvious longing lingering around them. And then there was __Steve, __god, he misses Steve the most and he really couldn't tell you why.

Maybe it was because of how everything ended.

They fought often. After a mission, Steve would yell at him for 'endangering the team', or going his own way and ignoring the Captain's orders. He would yell at Tony if he talked too much, if Tony was too blunt or just plain annoying. He yelled at Tony about Howard, like, _"Howard would be disappointed at how you've turned out, a selfish little man that doesn't care about anyone but himself." _And Tony always fought back, always had a retort, because that's how it was supposed to be.

_ "He was." _

_ "Excuse me?" _

_ "He was always disappointed in me. You can't tell me anything I don't already know about my father. He's never been proud of me. He was proud of you though." _

_ Steve stares at him, momentarily speechless. Tony, with the last word, leaves. _

_ It wasn't the last argument they would have about Howard. _

But now, he suddenly misses Steve, who (when not fighting with Tony) was quiet. He misses seeing Steve in a cushioned corner, drawing on a large sketch pad, looking at the sunset out of the tower windows with a soft smile _(that same soft smile)_. __He misses how he grinned at the team when he flipped pancakes like a pro, and he misses those stupid newspapers he used to find around the tower that Steve had undoubtedly picked up somewhere so he could evade technology just a bit longer. He’s seen Steve cry when he thought no one was there, holding a crumpled picture of Bucky and feeling so lost in this crazy new world he found himself in. There were times that he and Steve just sat together and talked and laughed. And right now he thinks he misses that the most.

These halls were filled with warmth and what he thought was love, and now, he looks around what used to be his _home _and feels the emptiness, the hollowness inside of him and his lonely tower. He wants to lean over the edge of it and _scream_, he wants to scream, _"I'm still here! Look at me. Don't leave me behind..."_

He cries harder.

_ ** Weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start ** _

He thinks it's fitting that the one man that didn't qualify for the original Avengers be the only one left, in the end. _Iron Man, yes, Tony Stark, not recommended._ How could he ever forget that? From the moment he came into this world, he was _not recommended._ His father wanted Captain America. The people wanted perfection. The government wanted someone serious. Captain America wanted Howard.

He couldn't be any of those things, but _god, he tried. _

And look where it got him, rock bottom.

The only thing he could do now is try to recover, if he wanted to.

_ ** Rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left** _

_ ** Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head ** _

The worst part is that he doesn’t think he could even blame Steve.

He was just doing what he thought was right, after years of being told what was right, being given _orders, _he chose himself to save Bucky, his best friend.

Tony just didn’t realize that he meant so little to Steve, so little to him that he couldn’t compromise on the Accords, that he couldn’t let Tony in, that he could _smash his shield into Tony’s heart._

Maybe if Tony listened, none of this would have happened.

It was his fault anyway, right? It’s always his fucking fault.

He’s always the one who fucks everything up.

** _ But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line _ **

** _ I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear? _ **

** _ Didn't I, my dear? _ **


End file.
